Reflecting

I sit here reflecting
Redirecting negative thoughts
Caught in a web of sadistic intentions
Mentions of suicidal thoughts emerge
Submerged in a pool of diseased memories
Activities practiced in dark rooms
Blooms like death in a dead garden
Burdens grow with each deep cut
Uncut skin marked for the next night
Fight or flight chemical injections
Reflections of dark times
Mind is spinning out of control
Soul is turning to stone balls
All this is happening as i sit here
Reflecting

Letting go

You cut me out of your life
social networks failing
blocked and deleted
my love for you depleted
I begin my transition into something new
and you are left in my back view
fuck you asshole
fuck you asshole
I don't need your childish ways
I thought I needed you
I was so wrong
you were just a constant nerd
a parasite and I'm the host
my heart is drained from you
like my dick in your mouth
sucking me dry in my car
fuck you too
I don't need you
Fuck you dude
I don't need you
I'm finally letting go
of your broke ass, naive, childish, ass

Island

Shipwrecked upon my shore
I got stars swirling around my head
I see a big tree
Staring straight at me
No sun just moonlight
Dense feeling of solitude
I am the only survivor
The water will wash my sins
The sand will bury me in regret
Who needs the world when I'm here
Alone and retreating to the earth

Understand

You had me with a hello
you left me with no goodbye though
Abandoned in this cold home
left me with memories of the good times
I want to know why
because I never could understand
I try to keep it together
because I thought we were forever
I was hoping I could get a helping hand
to make me firmly understand
why I was left alone
why I'm alone in this dark home
cold without your warmth
dead like a fetal still birth
the reasons didn't add up
how did we manage to fuck this up
give me a helping hand
so I may be able to firmly understand
because right now I'm so confused
I feel like Ive been used

You Return

You return 

Like a secret at deaths door

Unwelcomed at it's presence

A moment alone 

Like a whore after a john

Crying herself to sleep

these moments are to die for

Taken away for hell to keep

I got dead memories in my heart

Thrashed about and torn apart

Fed to the hungry demons of my soul 

I am now a puppet under your control

At your return

As this world burns

Ashes fall at death door

A murder scene

The death of the whore

Unwelcomed sentence

Unjustified killing

No matter

No one will care

Death is not picky after all

Help Me Up

Help me up 

For I am down hurt

There's blood on my shirt

And my breathing is short

I've lost myself

And can't be found 

I feel so unsafe with myself

I shouldn't be alone

But sometimes that's all I want

You say that you're my friend

But when tough gets going

You just run away in the end

Let me down

You let me drown

In this open sea of illusion

I can't believe I've wept

I've given everything I could

But it still couldn't keep me from

Keeping me from spiraling down

Making the world run away

Minute of Your time

Hey this one wasn't so depressing today...just thought of this and had to type it up before it left my mind...


If I had a minute of your time
I would make you mine
Talk about us like there was an us
Tell you why I loved you
Add sweet words to make us a plus
Instead of a fucking minus
I want us to be an us
Increased emotion
Is flowing through me like an ocean
It will take only a minute to tell you
That I'm not a crazy fool
I'm not the biggest tool
I want to reveal my biggest flaw
The reason I exist is to love you
You are the reason I continue to live
You are the reason this world continues to spin
I am living in what society thinks is sin
I just want take a minute of your time
So I can finally make you mine
Take your hand and your heart
So that we will never be apart
Gather words and emotions to give
So that no ships will ever sink
Don't you think I'm quite romantic
When I sing soft kitty when you are sick
When I tuck you in and kiss you good night
When I give you a dozens roses when we fight
I will make you mine so
Let me please take a minute of your time

Buried Dead pt 3

I commit to understand everything in between 
tender sin between the good and the mean 
suffocating ominous presence in the sheets 
wondering mind careful not to defeat 
the human flaw that is me 
the human pawn that I am to be 
created from the seed of the shadow man 
enriched with the madness of a lesser plan 
trained to the arts of darkness of the fallen 
trained to watch human suffering crawling 
no feelings, no power without dreams 
no sedation of any kind I am a machine 

Learning facts from fiction 
this world is a big contradiction 
so unnecessary is life to everything 
so easily revealed to the world of being 
this human stench is a reflection of self 
a trouble addiction of mutilation to oneself 
I await hell as I free myself from oppression 
and liberate myself through this expression 

Buried Dead pt 2

Majestic skies, so cloudy and dark 
fear me for my bite is worse than my bark 
take what is being given to you 
for I will do what your fears compels me to do 
so strange, I’m not supposed to be 
so deranged I’m not wanting to be me 
included me in your everyday world 
exclude me from the touch of a sweet girl 
I do not need it, I do not seek it 
I do not bleed 4 it, I will not speak it 
those words so toxic to the human soul 
it perpetuates loneliness and control 
human suffering down to the core 
but I need something more 

I find my way through the earthy decay 
I walk through the darkness of the day 
the drain it takes all my pain 
so I have something new in my brain 
these drugs they help to cure my disease 
I’m used to it, I down them down with ease 
before its my time to finally leave 
I will cherish this evil path I believe 
before its my time to burn in hell 
I will play with evil in my human shell 

Buried Dead

Wicked dreams of release

wicked dreams in my head 
scary memories that won’t stay dead 
I trust them all because I’m a fool 
I grind them up with my tool 
line them up and shoot them up my nose 
fuck this shit really blows 
they sedate me from the face staring at me 
they rape me in the place I am never to see 
all day now I sit and cry 
doing nothing but line after line 
hoping ill someday die 
don’t worry mother I’ll be fine 

dirty hands against my thighs 
trying to go inside giving me a high 
I want it good, I want it hard & rough 
make me your dirty little slut my skin is tough 
I can take what you give I want it all 
I want to feel it....all the way down to the ball 
deep it feels good but deeper is best 
I want it for hours without a rest 
so addicted, so inflicted with pain 
but I can always let it wash away in the rain 

Reasons

I have my reasons for how I feel

It gets harder and harder every day

I seem to be fighting every emotion in my head

All I wanna do some days is stay in bed

Is it natural to feel this way?

Is it sane to wanna cry all day?

Then wipe the tears and staring at nothing

I suffer daily with these memories fighting myself

Positioning myself like a pin in the middle of an orgy

It means nothing to the people around it

But its still deals with the pain it can cause

Who shall save me from myself?

Who shall save you from myself

I feel like shit daily and I cant stay way

Too many people will say

“you’re the best none like the rest

Don’t give up you’re the shit dog”

I suffer more and more every day

I wake up with eyes swollen from the night before

Tear stains that wont go away….

Autumn Queen

I take my rightful place on my throne

Heart made from the unholy stone

I have been like a vulture to the queen

Never before seen

A disguised imposter at the queen's masquerade

Her vision began to fade

I took my knife to her heart

And watched her kingdom torn apart

 My Psycho-dramas freed to plunder

Her heart was torn asunder

Laughing at the pitiful sight

She lost her final fight

I took my place on the throne

That mighty skies turned pitch black

She was not ready for my brutal attack

She slit her wrists to end it all

I was waiting all autumn for her fall

Blood staining the night air

I killed all her heirs

I am on top of the world I've never seen

I killed the feeble queen

I took my place upon the throne

And watched her being overthrown

As the autumn season became undone

So .

I don't know how to feel
I feel so....so...
I don't know what I should feel
I feel so...so...
Gone

Fading

fading into obscurity
The trail of abomination
Today I wither with the cold wind
As all light has been taken in my dreams
My eyes close and all I see is darkness
So much darkness
Feeding me betrayal and lies
From the ashes I seek to rise
To stand over my own body
Only to spit upon it
I see death in its common nature
He beckons me to follow him
Abomination I am
Unnatural are my feelings and ways
And everyday seems a thousand more
As I fall from the heaven I crave for more
Hell as no reward for me
Heaven as lost its taste for me
I as without home left in dark limbo
Where my insanity only seems to grow
And I bare the marks of my own destruction

Burn

I like the way my skin burns

When I set it ablaze

It feels like heaven in june

The smell of roses in the garden of eden

The drugs are driving me into a craze

The room spins and I'm blind in the smoky haze

Deranged and out of my cage

Its time to turn the page

And send me to the depths of hell

Where my skin will burn well

The flames of satan the hottest ever

Brittle

I come across like a brittle baby
Hit the right spot and I break apart
Stick me in the cracks of your heart
And ill come alive again...maybe

I don't give a fuck
I don't give a fuck
I don't give a shit
About what you gott say

Push my face in the dirt
Smash me hard make me hurt
Tell me its what I deserve
I'm just a parasite willing to serve

I don't care
I don't care
I don't give a shit
About what I need to do

I'm yours anyhow so fuck it
I don't swallow I just suck it
Your fascination is growing wearily
Looking for something more

Maybe I like it
Maybe I like it
Maybe I just don't care
About the shit you fuckin do

WORLD

I remember every night that my life broken down

A white flame turned it all to ashes

And the rain just turned it to mud

When will I run away from all these dreams

The dreams that feed the demons

Sometimes I think hate is not a strong enough emotion to feel

When I know the world feels the same

I could think of a million ways to die

But I know you would think up more

I fantasize with running to the edge of the world

But I know the world would just jump instead

Names Belong Here

Your name should really belong here

Because it doesn't fit anywhere else

I wish that my soul was near

But I left it somewhere

You remind me of the waves

Always coming in and out

Never really caring what love is about

The sun shines and I cry

The moon rises and u come alive

But you tell me I shouldn't survive

And I tell you perhaps I should die

You tell me

I don't belong

But until how long

Will I ignore what you say

Medicated so I can get through the day

When you don't even care to remember my name

I feel nothing for this but I care so much

I care when you tell me I don't belong

Tell me how it feels to be alone

Tell me how I should feel

You name should really belong here

Until then please don't come near

The Break Through

Modern views

blistering heat subdues

frozen black hearts in you

can you feel the hate break through?

Impacting views

your faces are left black and blue

broken pieces but we have no glue

can you feel the hate break though?

drink up the poison don't leave a drop

split you spine and your brain goes pop

pull the trigger and never pretend to stop

realize the hate is on top

a lost ruin on a deserted land going down

a secret temple that has been found

heros dying, mothers crying for you

can you feel the hate breaking through?

so it appears the dark has won the fight

so it appears the dark has the might

blink of an eye the world is anew

can you see it...the hate...its broken through

Cant Make You

My mouth is a trash bag
Never worth the shit that's in it
I can't make anyone like me
This was never something I wanted
Ill make no one bow down 
This was never something I would do
My world was a cradle falling from the tree
My words are shit hitting the fan
My blood made me a damaged man
But never was my heart to be free
A headache without a repair
No drugs are allowed here
Broken and bleeding
But no ointment to help clear the scar......
This world is dying.....cold and blank
No smile across my damned fucking face
There's no sweet tomorrow at this place
Can't beg you to see it my way
That's not something I was want to say...