STOP

Stop please I beg of you
I'm hurting inside because of you
every hit I take is enough of you
bleeding blood and dignity all for you

I don't want it to stop
you deserve it boo
every hit you take isn't enough boo
I do it because I love you

compare

Compare me to a monster

Compare me to a godless being

I still wouldn't give a fuck

I'd still tell you to suck

My meaty dick get on your knees

Beg for it slut say please

Food

I eat to feel better

The only thing that works

I guess I should do better

But not much has worked

who?

Who am I?

I always seem to ask myself that. I mean, I know who I am...my name is Richard....I'm a male, a son, a brother, an uncle....a friend and lover. I feel like there should be something else about me. I feel like there is something missing which is keeping me from finding my true self. Maybe I am whole but feel empty. Who the fuck am I? What the fuck am I? Does anyone even give a shit.....should I give a shit at all? I dont know...

SEX

i want to feel you inside me

i want to be the devil in you

touch me and ill guide you

to the darkness we both will share

I need you so bad

The cold moments in our souls

I am everywhere

Always in total control

feed me your fantasy

so I can feed you my corrupted mind

Struggle

So I've been struggling lately, no its because of my pure laziness of writing on this blog, but I've been struggling with my damn depression. For those who don't know me, or care...I've been struggling with depression since at least the age of 12. I haven't actually been getting treatment for it until late 2012. I've been on an antidepressant and going to therapy once or twice a month since then. I've been doing well, I get small bouts here and there which I like to call my man period. One week I can be happy, the next week angry and sad, the next a mixture of everything. This month tho....damn its been fucking hard on me.

I've just been so damn angry and irritable at work. Its not any better when I get home and I just isolate myself in my room. I've been so sleepy and lethargic that it reminds me of the darker times. My mind keeps going to places that I really didn't want to visit again. Never mind, part of me does like visiting those darker places, but I like to close the door and lock it....I hate it when the door is locked on the other side and I can't get out.

People around me are just so fucking annoying! I'm starting to really hate some motherfuckers. Its starting to get really hard to hid my disgust and disdain in my facial expressions. I'm just really not giving a fuck....NO FUCKS GIVEN. I really need to go see my therapist soon so I can tell him all this, but even then hes starting to piss me off....fuck him ...lol

ugh maybe I just need to get laid. I good fucking fuck could get me outta this mood. A good big hard messy orgasm solves everything....right?

Different kind of words that bled

I need something new

dont worry sweeting i got chu

i need someone new

dont worry boo boo

i take these drugs to feel fine

but i feel like im running out of time

I cant come up with different words

and im seeing some angry birds

God bless me and my antidepressants 

one nation under god

Satan gots me feeling fluorescent 

enough to write on this blog

what am I talking about

why am on this storm cloud

stupid and fearing of coming down

look mom my skin is soft and brown

shady bitches got me on the down low

still fucking me for facebook hoes

likes and thumbs up my ass so damn gross

I just dont want anyone to know

oh shit here i go again

rambling about all the pain im in

mentally unstable in this grand fable

but i still like being a child in its cradle

ill even make this last line a little longer

because i want you all to fucking poner

what the fuck is going on in his head

fuck what this motherfucker just said

follow me down this rabbit hole

then stop breathing and lose your soul