Night dance

Drinking
Messing
Dressing in fur
Faux attitude
What a dude
Fucking with a dick head
Dick and balls
Swallow it all
Drinking
Messing
Dressing in fur
Pearl necklaces
Bracelets made out of gold
How old do you want me to be
Cost you 50 to fuck me
Drinking
Messing
Fucking a hoe
Cumshot
Money shot
Walk out the door
Dressed in nothing but fur

Short vacay

I feel like taking a short vacation somewhere. Doesn't have to be far away but somewhere where I can just sit back and relax. Get away from everything and find a peaceful place within myself. I've been to Florida, Denver, san Diego, Vegas, and mexico in my life time and while those places were cool and fun I think Its time I travel somewhere else...san fran, Chicago, new York...Idk...the only thing holding me back besides work is $$$. Money doesn't grow on trees..even though its paper...which were at some point trees....anyways...I don't have any...but I do have debt...lots of it...lol..

Fuck it ill just go back to Vegas...OR maybe go to palm springs...all the gays go there so it must be exciting lol

Fix

I could use someone to fix me up
I got all these loose gears and broken screws
What was my purpose
Why should I keep on tryin
All I've been doing is cryin
Won't someone fix me up darlin
Rusted from the summer rains
The only program I feel is aching pain
Dull at first but grows with time
Why should I stay another moment
The screws are about to break off
Why should I stay another second
The gears are breaking in half
Why should I keep tryin
To stay operational in this bleak existence
I'm drying my tears from crying
Just to rust even more
I could use someone to fix me up
Fix this broken machine from rusting away

Rambling on and on

Tired
Feeling pregnant
Nauseous under current
Waves of energy pierce every atom
Bombs of Shit explode in my head
No one hears me scream
Are these moments real or just a dream
Giving birth to salvation
Aborted dreams for reality
But I'm rambling on

Fingers made of knives
Cut deeper and deeper lines
Crooked teeth spreading lies
Looking through black eyes
Choice a side they say
Id rather stay in the gray
Not seeing anything
But I'm just rambling on and on and on

Courage of heroes
Saving babies and cats out of trees
Killing fields littered with innocent faces
Never meeting their maker
Sugar coated insomnia
A pill to make the images go away
A bullet in a barrel
Heat in a mouth
Praying until theyre numb
They make a mess no one wants to clean up
They don't see their maker
But I'M rambling on and on

Never making any sense

Work peeps

So someone from work just told me that she reads my blog....Hiiiii!! Thanks for reading and not calling the crazy police on me!!

This state Im in

So for the last couple of weeks Ive been in a nasty mood. Ive been angry and irritable for what I thought no particular reason. People, places, and things were just pissing me off and I noticed that as days went on I was just getting angrier and angrier! What could have caused such a rage in me? Was that dark passenger Ive been keeping caged away slowly seeping its wicked rage out to me? Well luckily I had a therapy session and   we worked out why I was feeling so angry. It was because my little sister was getting married. I wasn't mad that she was getting married, I love her and her now husband very much. It was actually because I love my sister so much that I was angry. It was the change of her becoming someones wife and. and I put it...depending on someone else besides our family. Now shes been out of our house for about 2 years now, and its no secret to me that that's when I went into a deep depression because of that. Its been a tough few years without my little sister home, shes my rock, and when she left I felt like my support system left with her. I felt like she didn't need me anymore and I felt like her taking on her husbands last name set in stone the fact that shes no longer a part of MY family. Of course my therapist slapped me in the face with a reality check and told me that shes not going anywhere or she wont need me anymore...IN FACT, she actually might need me MORE now that shes married. She might need to talk to me to vent about her husband and stuff when the honeymoon stage of their marriage is over...which he told me will happen lol...My therapist told me to talk to my sister about what I was feeling and to hear it from the horses mouth that shes not going anywhere. luckily I was already planning on hanging out with her after my session so it was a good reason to talk to her. We went to Dennys and we just talking gossip and shit when she told me how my session was. I grew some balls instantly and told her how I felt. She laughed and told me that she wasn't going anywhere so I had nothing to worry about. To tell you the truth, it felt like a two ton boulder was lifted off my shoulders. It felt fantastic!

So when the wedding actually happened I was all good! I was happy and I didn't cry once, although I did tear up twice during the ceremony lol. So she got married Saturday, and today is Tuesday and I think a sense of relief as taken over me. I haven't been feeling so irritable and angry. Ill see how the rest of the week goes though. Maybe I just need a good fuck to get all the shitty feelings out of the way lol. 

Understand

You had me with a hello
you left me with no goodbye though
Abandoned in this cold home
left me with memories of the good times
I want to know why
because I never could understand
I try to keep it together
because I thought we were forever
I was hoping I could get a helping hand
to make me firmly understand
why I was left alone
why I'm alone in this dark home
cold without your warmth
dead like a fetal still birth
the reasons didn't add up
how did we manage to fuck this up
give me a helping hand
so I may be able to firmly understand
because right now I'm so confused
I feel like Ive been used