This state Im in

So for the last couple of weeks Ive been in a nasty mood. Ive been angry and irritable for what I thought no particular reason. People, places, and things were just pissing me off and I noticed that as days went on I was just getting angrier and angrier! What could have caused such a rage in me? Was that dark passenger Ive been keeping caged away slowly seeping its wicked rage out to me? Well luckily I had a therapy session and   we worked out why I was feeling so angry. It was because my little sister was getting married. I wasn't mad that she was getting married, I love her and her now husband very much. It was actually because I love my sister so much that I was angry. It was the change of her becoming someones wife and. and I put it...depending on someone else besides our family. Now shes been out of our house for about 2 years now, and its no secret to me that that's when I went into a deep depression because of that. Its been a tough few years without my little sister home, shes my rock, and when she left I felt like my support system left with her. I felt like she didn't need me anymore and I felt like her taking on her husbands last name set in stone the fact that shes no longer a part of MY family. Of course my therapist slapped me in the face with a reality check and told me that shes not going anywhere or she wont need me anymore...IN FACT, she actually might need me MORE now that shes married. She might need to talk to me to vent about her husband and stuff when the honeymoon stage of their marriage is over...which he told me will happen lol...My therapist told me to talk to my sister about what I was feeling and to hear it from the horses mouth that shes not going anywhere. luckily I was already planning on hanging out with her after my session so it was a good reason to talk to her. We went to Dennys and we just talking gossip and shit when she told me how my session was. I grew some balls instantly and told her how I felt. She laughed and told me that she wasn't going anywhere so I had nothing to worry about. To tell you the truth, it felt like a two ton boulder was lifted off my shoulders. It felt fantastic!

So when the wedding actually happened I was all good! I was happy and I didn't cry once, although I did tear up twice during the ceremony lol. So she got married Saturday, and today is Tuesday and I think a sense of relief as taken over me. I haven't been feeling so irritable and angry. Ill see how the rest of the week goes though. Maybe I just need a good fuck to get all the shitty feelings out of the way lol. 

So...an update

So I've been neglecting this blog again. The reason is that I really never have anything to say. Fuck that the real truth is that I'm just too stubborn and paranoid to write down anything on this blog. I still fight with myself about sharing parts of me to strangers. It's even worse when I need to share with people I actually know.

I guess the biggest thing is that my sister had her baby finally! After nine months of waiting I finally got to hold my first niece in my arms. Her name is Mia, and she's seriously the best looking baby in the world, but of course I'm bias because she's my niece lol.

My therapist told me that I should write a letter to my sister telling her thank you for always being there for me. For being the only person I truly can trust. The one person in my family that accepts me for who I am. This fat fucked up weirdo...she shows me unconditional love...I really need to start on that letter..I just don't know what to write lol. I'm to write it and hand deliver it to her, I can't mail it to her which sucks lol. I know I'm going to get all emotional and cry as a baby when I write it. Hell o cried for the first time in months at my therapy session when I started talking about her. I love her so much...

There's probably more going on but thats the big things that are going on. Since I'm such a comment whore and I like attention...comment...share or whatever people do with blogs.