You Return

You return 

Like a secret at deaths door

Unwelcomed at it's presence

A moment alone 

Like a whore after a john

Crying herself to sleep

these moments are to die for

Taken away for hell to keep

I got dead memories in my heart

Thrashed about and torn apart

Fed to the hungry demons of my soul 

I am now a puppet under your control

At your return

As this world burns

Ashes fall at death door

A murder scene

The death of the whore

Unwelcomed sentence

Unjustified killing

No matter

No one will care

Death is not picky after all

Help Me Up

Help me up 

For I am down hurt

There's blood on my shirt

And my breathing is short

I've lost myself

And can't be found 

I feel so unsafe with myself

I shouldn't be alone

But sometimes that's all I want

You say that you're my friend

But when tough gets going

You just run away in the end

Let me down

You let me drown

In this open sea of illusion

I can't believe I've wept

I've given everything I could

But it still couldn't keep me from

Keeping me from spiraling down

Making the world run away

Minute of Your time

Hey this one wasn't so depressing today...just thought of this and had to type it up before it left my mind...


If I had a minute of your time
I would make you mine
Talk about us like there was an us
Tell you why I loved you
Add sweet words to make us a plus
Instead of a fucking minus
I want us to be an us
Increased emotion
Is flowing through me like an ocean
It will take only a minute to tell you
That I'm not a crazy fool
I'm not the biggest tool
I want to reveal my biggest flaw
The reason I exist is to love you
You are the reason I continue to live
You are the reason this world continues to spin
I am living in what society thinks is sin
I just want take a minute of your time
So I can finally make you mine
Take your hand and your heart
So that we will never be apart
Gather words and emotions to give
So that no ships will ever sink
Don't you think I'm quite romantic
When I sing soft kitty when you are sick
When I tuck you in and kiss you good night
When I give you a dozens roses when we fight
I will make you mine so
Let me please take a minute of your time

Buried Dead pt 3

I commit to understand everything in between 
tender sin between the good and the mean 
suffocating ominous presence in the sheets 
wondering mind careful not to defeat 
the human flaw that is me 
the human pawn that I am to be 
created from the seed of the shadow man 
enriched with the madness of a lesser plan 
trained to the arts of darkness of the fallen 
trained to watch human suffering crawling 
no feelings, no power without dreams 
no sedation of any kind I am a machine 

Learning facts from fiction 
this world is a big contradiction 
so unnecessary is life to everything 
so easily revealed to the world of being 
this human stench is a reflection of self 
a trouble addiction of mutilation to oneself 
I await hell as I free myself from oppression 
and liberate myself through this expression 

Buried Dead pt 2

Majestic skies, so cloudy and dark 
fear me for my bite is worse than my bark 
take what is being given to you 
for I will do what your fears compels me to do 
so strange, I’m not supposed to be 
so deranged I’m not wanting to be me 
included me in your everyday world 
exclude me from the touch of a sweet girl 
I do not need it, I do not seek it 
I do not bleed 4 it, I will not speak it 
those words so toxic to the human soul 
it perpetuates loneliness and control 
human suffering down to the core 
but I need something more 

I find my way through the earthy decay 
I walk through the darkness of the day 
the drain it takes all my pain 
so I have something new in my brain 
these drugs they help to cure my disease 
I’m used to it, I down them down with ease 
before its my time to finally leave 
I will cherish this evil path I believe 
before its my time to burn in hell 
I will play with evil in my human shell 

I suck

Man just when I think I was doing ok I revert back to a bad state of mind. Now I feel like an outcast in front of my friends. My.therapist told me that there will be times when I feel like this. The reason is because I've been living with depression for so long, that my brain doesn't know how to react to me getting help so it will pump out more negative feelings to go back to what I think is "normal". That really sucks....to me...normal is feeling like a outcast fat piece of Shit loser with mommy and daddy issues who can't even tell people how he feels without lying to them. I'm not fine...I'm in constant pain. I'll go out with you, but I won't be all there so why bother. I don't want to push people away yet I feel like I am. Damn I really need more therapy...maybe more powerful drugs...

Buried Dead

Wicked dreams of release

wicked dreams in my head 
scary memories that won’t stay dead 
I trust them all because I’m a fool 
I grind them up with my tool 
line them up and shoot them up my nose 
fuck this shit really blows 
they sedate me from the face staring at me 
they rape me in the place I am never to see 
all day now I sit and cry 
doing nothing but line after line 
hoping ill someday die 
don’t worry mother I’ll be fine 

dirty hands against my thighs 
trying to go inside giving me a high 
I want it good, I want it hard & rough 
make me your dirty little slut my skin is tough 
I can take what you give I want it all 
I want to feel it....all the way down to the ball 
deep it feels good but deeper is best 
I want it for hours without a rest 
so addicted, so inflicted with pain 
but I can always let it wash away in the rain