Different kind of words that bled

I need something new

dont worry sweeting i got chu

i need someone new

dont worry boo boo

i take these drugs to feel fine

but i feel like im running out of time

I cant come up with different words

and im seeing some angry birds

God bless me and my antidepressants 

one nation under god

Satan gots me feeling fluorescent 

enough to write on this blog

what am I talking about

why am on this storm cloud

stupid and fearing of coming down

look mom my skin is soft and brown

shady bitches got me on the down low

still fucking me for facebook hoes

likes and thumbs up my ass so damn gross

I just dont want anyone to know

oh shit here i go again

rambling about all the pain im in

mentally unstable in this grand fable

but i still like being a child in its cradle

ill even make this last line a little longer

because i want you all to fucking poner

what the fuck is going on in his head

fuck what this motherfucker just said

follow me down this rabbit hole

then stop breathing and lose your soul

oh my...

It has been quite awhile since I've done a blog....mostly I've just been busy. Not socially sadly, but mostly because of work...and just being lazy. So here I am to tell yall that im still alive....alive and sort of well...go choke on a dick...lol


see ya in a couple of months motherfuckers!!!!

Spin

Spinning

I'm spinning

into the dark abyss

into a cliche comatose

self imposed

self abused

not physically

but emotionally

I'm spinning

I'm spinning

grinning as i go down

razor blade smile cutting at my heart

opening scars and letting the infection in

I love it

I want it

I deserve it

I'm told to let it out

So I'm typing this to get it out

still feeling like shit

still craving the blade

I'm spinning into an abyss

I cant wait to hit the ground

FROM ME TO YOU .......COME 2015!!! LETS GET SICKENING!!!!! *DEATHDROPS ONTO FLOOR*

christmas gift

Well holy shit its been months since I last wrote a blog. To be truthful, I've just been fucking lazy. I discovered the magic that is the TV show Scandal and have been binge watching that. I have also become engrossed with the seasons of Project Runway that I have missed since they moved to Lifetime. I have been playing Marvel Heroes 2015 on my laptop. Besides that I haven't been doing much besides jerking off and sleeping. Same shift just different days. There you have it folks my life in a nutshell. 

Today is Christmas and I'm home alone eating tamales and calling target over a order that I fucked up on. I'm drinking my Starbucks coffee and listening to the Kevin and Bean podcast. My parents went out to the casinos and I stayed home alone. I didn't want to spend my Christmas with my folks in a smoked filled casino....I love my sanity and lungs too much for that. It doesn't bother me that I'm spending it alone. I already celebrated with my family last night. My sister and the kids came over to our house and we ate tamales and drank some tequila and had a jolly good time. After that I took like a 3 hour nap....that's how I celebrate. Today Ill probably play a video game and watch porn by myself like a sad pathetic lonely man....so you may think. To me this is my gift.....absolute loneliness...there are times where I tire of people around people. I like to isolate myself from the outside world. Id rather spend my day alone with my chihuahua than be surrounded around people who will cause me anxiety. My therapist tells me that I shouldn't isolate myself from the outside world...and I've tried not to like I use to before, but fuck I like to be alone sometimes. I have time to clean out some of the dirty things I have hidden from view around my room, I can wash some of my jock straps and sex toys and throw out some trash. Maybe this will help relax me. Maybe it will inspire me to write again...I don't know...sometimes isolation just....HELPS me. 

Don't feel sorry for me for being alone on Christmas, I feel sorry enough for both of us. I just enjoy it....sure there will be tears falling down my face as I see update statuses of other families spending time together,....but my dog will lick the salty tears from my face.

7 day challenge

On facebook I was challenged by a friend to do a 7 day challenge where we say 3 things we are thankful for. I couldn't really think of anything so I went to the joke angle. Now I'm seriously thinking about it. I know I'm thankful for things....we all are, its just hard for me to express them....I guess.

1. The number one thing I'm thankful for is probably the four important women in my life. I call them the B.O.M.B Squad. My sister Brenda, my mother Oralia, and my nieces Mia and Bryanna. I'm so thankful for having these ladies in my life in my 27 years. My mother for taking care of me, even when I wish she would stop mothering me ...but secretly I like feeling like a child still. My sister for being my rock...even in my lowest of lows, the darkest of my moments she has been the shining light that brightened my day. My baby nieces Mia and Bryanna...in the year and a half that they have been alive...they have taught me what true love can be. I love these little girls to death and I'm so thankful that they are in my life. I'm going to spoil these little girls for the rest of their lives!
2. I'm thankful for my second family...my friends. I had a hard time making friends in school and it took me a long time to make real friends so I'm thankful for the ones Ive kept throughout the years. I've had MANY adventures with my friends and they have brought out the fun side of me! suck it lonely Richard from elementary...you have friends now!
3. I'm thankful for myself.....I know I know....that's dumb, but I'm thankful for myself in that I've been strong enough to go through some tough dark times and still be able to function as a human being. I'm thankful that Ive been strong enough to not end my life or do self harm. I'm thankful for myself in that I've been able to find ways to channel my pain and anger into worlds...or random lip syncs...random dancing...just random shit...so there you go...

so there you go....my real post about this shit.....I probably wont finish the 7 day challenged.....but who really cares...lol

hmmmm

Who knew that having sex with strangers would make me feel better about myself? For years I have been avoiding having stranger sex, for fear of getting killed or an std. I should still have a fear about getting stds but not about getting murdered in the middle of fucking lol. I like the fact that people actually like my body with its flaws and I like that they want to fuck me. Its taken me years and years to finally accept the way I look. All it took were blogs and pool parties/orgies. My sexual adventures have been plentiful as of late and I cannot wait for more. I can honestly say Ive had more sexual partners in the last few months than Ive had in all my sexually active years....and even then Ive lost count. Does that make me a slut? probably....but I don't care, I love it....and my dick sure loves it.