Today is Christmas and I'm home alone eating tamales and calling target over a order that I fucked up on. I'm drinking my Starbucks coffee and listening to the Kevin and Bean podcast. My parents went out to the casinos and I stayed home alone. I didn't want to spend my Christmas with my folks in a smoked filled casino....I love my sanity and lungs too much for that. It doesn't bother me that I'm spending it alone. I already celebrated with my family last night. My sister and the kids came over to our house and we ate tamales and drank some tequila and had a jolly good time. After that I took like a 3 hour nap....that's how I celebrate. Today Ill probably play a video game and watch porn by myself like a sad pathetic lonely man....so you may think. To me this is my gift.....absolute loneliness...there are times where I tire of people around people. I like to isolate myself from the outside world. Id rather spend my day alone with my chihuahua than be surrounded around people who will cause me anxiety. My therapist tells me that I shouldn't isolate myself from the outside world...and I've tried not to like I use to before, but fuck I like to be alone sometimes. I have time to clean out some of the dirty things I have hidden from view around my room, I can wash some of my jock straps and sex toys and throw out some trash. Maybe this will help relax me. Maybe it will inspire me to write again...I don't know...sometimes isolation just....HELPS me.
Don't feel sorry for me for being alone on Christmas, I feel sorry enough for both of us. I just enjoy it....sure there will be tears falling down my face as I see update statuses of other families spending time together,....but my dog will lick the salty tears from my face.
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