Public?

So I'm thinking about taking this blog public and by public I mean telling my Facebook friends about it. I've never been the type to really reveal myself to people. People only know what I want them to know about me. This blog when I actually feel like posting, makes me feel...idk...open to the idea that its ok to open up. I've been opening up little by little lately and maybe by taking this blog public it will motivate me to open up more. Plus I really write better than I talk! I'm a listener, the therapist, the person who people come to to cry on my shoulder, I've never been much of a talker, I'm the strong silent type. So it takes a lot out of me when I talk to people...like my mouth starts to dry up and my jaw hurts type of shit..lol.
Now I'm not a fucking English major, I'm probably going to make some grammar mistakes, and spelling mistakes and most likely murder the English language, truth is...I don't give a FUUUCKKK...and that's on the real...bitch...lol

Now should I do it...or should I just make a brand new blog...I mean truth is..I probably wont blog that much anyways...I just want a place to post my "poetry" or whatever mental garbage comes out of my dark mind...lol

The River

The river ravages my beating heart
the water tearing it apart
but from the start i know it was to be this way
it was bound to happen some day

Flocking to the light with extreme hunger
I crave the warm touch of him
waking up wishing i had enough
but my dick says it needs it rough
tearing that ass up
drinking life from the cup
cold water mixed in with day old beer
i wish he was truly here
not these fuckers i met online

Light as a feather stiff as a board
my life is as flat as a cardboard
deflated and sedated by drugs and drinks
on the edge again slowly to that brink
explosions inside manifest from the shit outside
peoples shit casts me far to the side
astray from friends, I'm worried about him they said
locked up not dead but fucked up in the head
thoughts of leaving this astral plane
thoughts of suicide to cure my pain
I have to suppress them again

I seek nourishment from my decaying brain
thoughts of negativity pour down like acid rain
my life is a shell of what it once was
I don't even know who I once was
what does a person do to survive
what does a motherfucker have to do to stay alive
not stuck in this patted room
secluded from everyone's view
awaiting the darkness that is my doom
soon I hope to leave this prison
venture to the outside but blinded of my vision
peoples bullshit smells like dead memories
people scare me like dead memories
online is where I should be
but this river is determined to carry me
far away from my beating heart

Hard to live

It's hard to live when u have given up
So easy it is to paint on a smile
But when your dead inside it's hard to move
My acting chops were superior Now I've been weathered down and inferior
Nothing I am
Nothing I feel
Nothing is nothing
The darkness consumes me further still
Breaking me down
Keeping me down
The light shines a flicker
The candle melts around the wicker
It's so hard to live with this
Nothing...dark blank nothing...

Age of the Dragon

Whispering to dragons breathing flames of desire
Illuminating our world of darkness
Gentle but ferocious when provoked
Enemies kneel and their lives they revoke
Paralyzed in a stupor
Awaiting my last supper
Before they carry me off
To inflict my own damage
My depression is on a rampage
Breaking through my mental barriers
Collapsing every stable hold
Dragons are dancing in flames
My life is about to change

Bright Moon

Under the bright moon on all hallows eve, my pregnant mind would release, unimaginable visions of my dark past. My life has rusted and breaking apart piece by fucking peace. There is no peace of mind in my dark hole you’ll find, me on my hands and knees pleading to be released, unleashed my wrath on the bitter cold world that fucked with a broken boy. There is no joy in life when a dark cloud follows you around; there is no great sound when your feet are cemented to the ground. Hateful journey through summertime sadness, autumn is a time of death and dying, winter is a bitter cold vision of happiness that can not be obtained. My only friend is my shadow and even then, we not talking anymore. I just mailed a letter today to a distant land, maybe now he will take my hand and accompany me through this hurt, instead of pushing my face in the dirt and raping every emotion out of me. I will just lay there and take it, that’s what a good whore does. Darkness surrounds me like a shell surrounds a fragile yolk, I'm such a fucking joke its not even funny, I'm not a comedian I just hide behind this façade, like if I was some sort of God I try to change everything too soon, but I know that if I continue on this past I will be doomed. I think about death everyday under this bright fucking moon…..

Quiet betrayal of love

With frost on her pillow she bids me adieu, revealing to me her body, bloody and bruised, cloaked in a cosmos of wondrous hues, her eyes burn with desires of demons and goblins, my heart she stole like.if she was robin giving.it to the poor, the lonely, the hungry and whores. Goodnight she whispered before she disappeared into the shadows behind the moon

Sneaking alone

Out of sight out of mind
Leave me out to die
I've cried a millions tears
They will never dry
I will always live in fear
My shadow isn't mine

Take me across that golden bridge
Let me cross and jump that ridge
From the start I've been falling apart
Raped of all joy from my heart

Woe is me and love does not exist
Bittersweet melodies I can't resist
Play in the background Damn that noise
Making me cry and break my poise
Shadows underneath my swollen eyes
Crying overnight from the lies
Under cover under bright lights
I want to sneak into the night