Pretending

I can go back and pretend to be happy, but whats the point. everything has a beginning and an end. sometimes i fear that my happiness is coming to a crashing end. Part of me knows that's all bullshit. My happiness is just beginning with the birth of my niece and a new baby on the way. Why is it that I don't feel happier about it? I feel so comatose about this. My feelings are just ....fake. I'm wearing masks to depict different emotions. Maybe I don't know how to feel happy? Maybe I deep down don't want to feel anything but sadness. That's now how humans should feel. I don't know how else to feel.